Parenting Toward the Gospel - Part 2

In Part 1, I clarified the gospel and began explaining the first component of godly parenting which lays a foundation for a child's understanding and acceptance of the gospel - understanding authority.

Now in Part 2, I address the final four aspects of the gospel message and how parents can work to build a gospel understanding in their children.

We must now consider laying the foundation with an understanding of sin. Sin is not sin because it irritates Mom or Dad. It is sin because it violates a law.

When a child’s actions – and yes, even attitudes – display rebellion toward the standard of conduct, the sin should be recognized, called what it is, and disciplined appropriately. At times, these “teachable moments” can even be used to demonstrate the concept of mercy! But, the heads of the home must not overuse justifications for behavior such as “boys are boys” or “kids are just naturally bullies”. It is one thing for boys to be loud and energetic; it is quite another thing for boys to hit girls. “He/she must be tired” may be true on occasion, but it can’t be true every day!

Children must know that certain actions and attitudes are justly punishable because they defy the known boundaries and indicate rebellion. They should also come to know why they do these things. A parent may need to expose his child’s bad heart, anger, and selfishness, calling these things just what they are. This is part of laying the foundation for their eventual understanding of the gospel.

At times, children must feel the separation that results from sin – the more dramatic the sin, the more dramatic the separation. It is not out of the question for a parent to cry, leave the room sad, or remain somber for a part of a day or longer. The child must know that sin affects the relationship. It doesn’t just incur physical discipline; it drives a wedge between parent and child.

A very important point to mention here is this: Parents must be continually working to develop a loving relationship with their children so that the separation caused by sin actually means something. If a parent never spends time with or listens to a child, rarely converses with him or includes him in activities, then separation may simply cause resentment and alienation. But a child who regularly lives in an atmosphere of love will ache when Mom or Dad is grieved. He will know that his rebellion caused injury to the heart of his parents and to the relationship with them.

Sin does have other consequences – whether receiving a spanking, being grounded, rebuked, or even embarrassed. These will vary according to the circumstances and even the child, and unfortunately, there’s not a hard and fast rule that makes such decisions easy. Loving parents will need to be Spirit-led. Note that love does not militate against proper discipline. Rather, love is the proper basis for discipline. The attitude should be, “I love you too much to allow you to do this and think that you can get away with it.”

Restitution may be necessary as well. If your child broke someone’s toy, he should purchase a replacement… with his own money. If he doesn’t have money, he should be given a job by which he can earn it.

These effects of sin are lessons in themselves, which aid the child in eventually understanding the separation of God and sinners.

Parents can help lay a foundation for confession to God by requiring confession in the home. This takes time and, therefore, is neglected in many homes. It takes time because a parent will need to impart perspective to the child (even though, at times, it seems like he should have grasped it already) — Why was this a sin? Why is it so bad? What does the future look like for a child whose actions go unchecked? The child will never adequately “change his mind” about his sin if he can’t clearly see God’s perspective. The desire of the one disciplining is that the child will come to see his sin for what it is, will grieve over it, and agree to the wickedness of it. Godly parents should want true confession — not a parroted, insincere “I’m sorry”.

Lastly, parents can lay the foundation for their child’s reception of the gospel by demonstrating true reconciliation. Isaiah said to God, “…thou hast cast all my sins behind thy back.” (Isa. 38:17) The LORD spoke through Jeremiah of a day when “I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.” (Jer. 31:33). The psalmist wrote, “As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.” (Psalm 103:12)

A sin forgiven should not be held over a child’s head. If confession has been made and accepted, then the memory of the mistake should not be revisited with every subsequent offense. Parents must bury the axe, but not, as the old saying goes, with the handle still sticking out of the ground. The sin should be put away for good. This is not to say that a parent might not, on occasion, reference the fact that he has had to discipline for the same action several times. But as a rule, confession brings reconciliation — a restoration to fellowship and favor!

God has given parents the tremendous responsibility of guiding and preparing an eternal soul for life — both earthly and eternal. Foundational to these is the child’s decision to turn from his sin and to Jesus Christ for reconciliation. Let us who are parents (or any in a position of influence or authority) be mindful of how we train children and be seeking to lay the foundations for accepting the gospel in our very practice.

PART 1