The Nature of a Good Gift

I am amused by the evolution of Christmas gift-buying in our home. Gone are the days that we simply look at an item in the store and ask each other, “Do you think she’ll like that?” No, instead, we have progressed to Christmas lists. Each child produces a list of favorite items (sometimes even written in order of preference). We have not yet evolved the empty-nester category, where it could be much easier to simply give money in a card. All in all, we attempt to come up with an item that will bring the receiver joy.

It’s probably a nearly universal assumption that a gift is supposed to be something that the receiver actually likes. But it seems equally true that a gift – in the truest sense – is something “freely given”. One dictionary begins the definition of gift this way: “a thing given willingly to someone without payment”. In this way, a gift resembles an act of grace. (Grace also encompasses the sense of something “freely given”.) So, a gift might be considered to be “something freely given” which the receiver likes.

But there is one glaring concern brought to light by this definition – humans like things that are useless and damaging! We are innately self-destructive. We so often long for things that, in the long run, don’t prove to be in our best interest (i.e. a third helping of ice cream, another dozen video games, a manipulative boyfriend or seductive girlfriend, more money – and the list could go on). So, a dilemma exists: do we “freely give” something destructive (or at best useless) to someone we care about because he/she likes it? OR do we freely give something helpful and “healthy” that he/she does not like? God has certainly opted for the second.

The Scriptures say, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights . . .” (James 1:17) One of the psalmists wrote, “No good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.” (Psalm 84:11) God “freely gives” constantly, and He gives what is good! This is called “grace”. As He continuously reveals Himself in nature and in the conscience built into every human, He is “gracing” the whole world. The Scriptures also reveal God; they are part of a the “freely given” revelation of the God Who gives good things.

Again, the New Testament writer named James wrote this: “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above . . .” But who defines good? Of course, the Designer, Creator, and Sustainer of the world has that authority! And in His omniscience, He has given us what we need: an awareness of Him and time to respond to Him. Humans have the ability and opportunity to seek their Creator. “The grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men . . .” (Titus 2:11) We have the opportunity to cry out to God, to know Him, to let Him transform us into His ideal. We have the opportunity to learn God’s design for life, to implement it on a daily basis, and to live in the blessedness that only the Designer promises. Have you stopped the hurry of life to recognize God? Have you taken the next step to seek and obey Him?

Back to the definition of gift: I suggest we make an important modification to the definition of a “gift” in order to bring it into focus. This definition, of course, assumes that the giver wants the best for the receiver. He ultimately gives the gift for the receiver’s benefit, if not for his joy. A well-given gift, then, is this: “something freely given for the benefit of the receiver”. Ideally, the recipient recognizes what he truly needs and chooses not to want those things which feed his own destruction. It certainly doesn’t seem like a dental appointment could be labeled a “gift”. Nor might chores, broccoli, or a lecture seem to be fitting of the title either. However, a child should consider how much his parents freely give of themselves to support him in nearly every aspect of his life. He doesn’t brush his teeth, sit down in the living room, put on his tennis shoes or eat supper but what he is using or consuming something that cost his parents’ money. A (good) parent is constantly freely giving for the benefit of his child. So many “gifts” are taken for granted.

It is not uncommon for a parent to get weary and seek a little relief from the rigor of parenting; so, she decides to just “give in” to the wants of the child. She gives him more candy, more screen time, more of what the child wants. If this habit becomes the standard of living – that is, if the child is permitted to direct his own life by pressing his wants – the over-indulged child will soon show symptoms of early “self-destruction” in his health and/or behavior. Then, it must be asked: “Is the parent’s ‘giving’ really a good thing?”

In this season of giving, consider what items would actually benefit those to whom you are giving. Is your gift really an expression of love? Is it something that contributes to a “healthy” life? Your children need your presence; they need wisdom and direction; they need knowledge; and, yes, they need joy. While these qualities cannot be wrapped in a box, they can be given from the heart and ultimately found in the true God, Jesus Christ. I encourage you to take a few minutes to consider what you can freely give to your loved ones that would lead them in some small way into God’s design for their success.