One who has a family has a treasure. Unfortunately, sin distorts and destroys the intended beauty of this God-ordained institution. So many in our generation have mixed feelings about “family” because of the confusion and extraordinary pain that has been communicated through it. The Christian should recognize the extreme value of the family as God designed it to operate and the great responsibility that rests upon each member (but especially the parents) to cultivate the blessings of “home.”

As a serious father (or parent in general) considers his responsibility to nurture the family and cultivate God’s intended blessings through it, he may begin making a list of necessary components of a successful and productive family – i.e. structure, consistency, love, core values, Biblical instruction, acceptance and guidance, etc. But one important element of a tight family that may be overlooked is the element of humor. Everyone needs a little humor. People love to laugh, and shared humor can be a platform for connecting with someone. This is certainly true in the home.

Humor is an active ingredient in the recipe for family unity. Humor is a wonderful form of connection. Of course, it doesn’t replace the communication of core values. And humor has to be fenced in by appropriate Biblical guidelines. That being said, a well-developed humor helps in the process of maturing, in developing a sense of acceptance, in relieving the heaviness or mundane course of life, and in learning to be humble.

I often stress unity. We are a family. God gave us to one another. Our relationship was God’s idea, and we have a duty to be there for each other. We need to learn to understand each other, get along, and respect one another. But the “lighter” side of that responsibility is learning to laugh together, to find common ground in humor. Our family has its (large) share of borrowed humor. In fact, my children can borrow a line from a movie and make it even funnier than it was in its original context. My mother-in-law is skilled in telling funny stories. I am often teased for my “dad jokes.” But we are routinely laughing with each other, and this is an important element in the unity of the family.

We certainly don’t have the same senses of humor, nor do we find every attempt at humor to be funny. (We’ve oft quoted an elderly saint who said, “Nothing worse than somebody trying to be funny who don’t know how.” Even that statement has an element of humor!) But we laugh together nonetheless. We have found plenty of things at which to laugh. We may laugh at something silly that someone says, or some ridiculous antic that we contrive; the object of humor may be a quote – even a quote used out of context to relate to something else. Sometimes, we learn humility by learning to laugh at ourselves.

Caution must be exercised in the use of humor. Certain humor may seem borderline or even “off color.” Humor should not be a conduit for filth in the home. Humor does not exist as an exception to God’s commands regarding our speech and the saltiness of our communication.  Words can hurt and heal – even when couched in “humor.” There is a difference between laughing at your kids and laughing with them. While at times, they need to recognize that something they said or did justified laughter, they should not be the butt of every joke. Repeatedly highlighting their failures or mocking their unchangeable physical features does not constitute healthy humor.

Developing a child’s sense and expression of humor is an avenue through which important lessons can be taught while fostering an environment of joy. Joy is a part of the blessed existence God has designed for us and is sometimes expressed through laughter. Humor is, in my opinion, also a source of joy and laughter and a part of God’s design. It can be twisted by sinfulness and used to hurt or defile people.  But, when used wisely, it can be of great value.  We should stop to consider how this gift of humor could be used (or is being used) as an active ingredient in the teaching and unity of our homes.